An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman went into a pub
for a pint of Guinness one day.
After being served a fly landed in each of their pints and
stuck in the creamy heads.
O'Neil was walking home from
the pub one night when lo and behold he sees one of the Little Folk. He sneaks up and catches him in is stare and demands three wishes for the little mans freedom.
"Granted" says the man in green, "but whatever I do for you, O'Reily will get twofold!"
Now O'Reily is no friend of O'Neil, in fact they hate each other, but O'Neil
agrees. "For my first wish I'd like a mansion full of expensive antiques and beautiful women."
"Granted, and of course O'Reily gets two!"
An Irishman walks into the
pub and orders three pints of Guinness. He asks that they be brought over to
him at the table. The Irishman drinks the pints one at a time and then leaves.
This routine goes on for about two months. Finally, the bartender asks why the
Irishman has the three pints. "Well'" he says, " The first pint is for me brudder in Amerikay and the second is for me brudder in England." The bartender
nods in agreement and tells the lads at the bar who have witnessed the
comings and goings for the two months.
Several weeks latter, the
Irishman enters the pub and orders two pints. As the bartender walks up to
the table with a pint in each hand, he says. "If you don't mind my asking, have
you lost one of your brothers?" The Irishman pauses for a second, sees the two
pints and says, "Oh forsakes no, me missus has me off the liquor!" What's the difference
between an Irish wedding and an Irish wake? One less drunk at the wake. An Irishman is sitting at a
bar in New York City and looks at his
The Englishman pushed his pint away from him in disgust and proceeded to order
another pint.
The Scotsman simply fished the offending fly out with his finger and proceeded
to drink his pint as if nothing had happened.
The Irishman, eyes wide with anger grabbed the fly and held it over his pint
shouting "SPIT IT
OUT!!! SPIT IT OUT YOU BASTARAD!!!"
"For my second wish I'd like a beautiful, sexy, redheaded nymphomaniac." "Granted, and of course O'Reily gets two women."
watch several times in the space of a few minutes.
The woman sitting nearby notices this and asks, 'Is your date running late?'
'No,' he replies, 'I have this state-of-the-art watch. I was just testing it.'
The intrigued woman says, 'A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about
it?'
The Irishman explains, 'It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically.'
The lady says, 'What's it telling you now?'
'Well, it says you're not wearing any panties.'
The woman giggles and replies, 'Well, it must be broken because I am wearing
panties!'
The Irishman smirks, taps his watch and says, 'Bloody thing's running about an
hour fast. Can I buy you a drink?
© Copyright 2008 Murphy's Pub